Little Girls and Rug Burns and Poor-Me Lists

"If I should say, 'My foot has slipped,' Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up." Psalm 94:18

Last Sunday at church, my boys gave me another picture of what it looks like to cling...and to be held up.

During the donut-and-coffee-and-fellowship break, a sweet little girl decided to love on Moses.  Problem was, she hadn't been to church in quite a while, and Moses didn't know her.  Her persistence to play with and hold him frightened him.  By the time I got downstairs to the fellowship area, he met me at the door with pleading eyes, a furrowed brow, and reaching arms.  The little girl handed him up to me, and Moses clung tightly.

Seconds later, I heard CJ start crying at the other end of the room.  I looked up to see him sprawled out on the floor behind a row of chairs, and the sweet girl's equally sweet sister trying to comfort him and help him up (and probably frightening him, too).  Going over, I set Moses down and scooped CJ up to find a "raspberry" rug burn on his forehead.  Moses probably would have been fine on his own by then...had not the first girl followed us over and, trying to be helpful, picked him up.  So Moses started crying too, and the sweetie handed him to me.  

So now I carried a twenty-plus-pound little boy on my left hip and a thirty-plus-pound little boy on my right hip...both crying.  And clinging.

I did the math...and knew I wouldn't last for long.  And--horrors!--all the donuts were gone (nothing dries up a two-year-old's tears like a donut!).  But then the little girl appeared with the last donut that she had scrounged from somewhere, and CJ perked up.  I was able to set him down at a table so he could enjoy it...as long as I stayed close.

Both my boys wanted to cling, and I was willing to hold them...but I knew I wouldn't be able to for long.  And had another crying little boy or two appeared, I would have had to sprout another couple of arms (and grow a few more muscles!) to uphold them, too.  My willingness to uphold surpassed my ability.

This started me thinking.  In a clinging/upholding relationship, how well one clings isn't near so important as how well the other upholds.

Let me explain.  Let's say I was holding one of my boys, and he was clinging to me.  If I let go, just let my arms go jelly, no matter how tightly he clung, he wouldn't be able to hold himself up for long.  He'd slide right down to the ground pretty quickly.  But if I was willing and able to wrap my arms around him, no matter how skilled or strong his clinging was, if I held him, he'd be held up.

What comfort this is to me in my relationship with my Jesus!

He is both willing and able to uphold me when I cling. "My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me."  (Psalm 63:8)  And how well I cling doesn't matter; He'll still uphold me!  Psalm 94 says that even should my foot slip (or my clinging arms loosen their grip), still He will hold me up!

Oh, thank You, Lord!  Because I don't always cling like I should....

Like the other morning.  I determined to get up early enough to start my day with some proper clinging--to start it out with some alone time with Him.  But CJ woke up 15 minutes before my alarm went off (15 minutes earlier than my getting-up-early; that's too early!).  After trying for half an hour to get him to go back to sleep, I gave up, got him some milk and something to keep him occupied, and finally sat down with my coffee and my Bible.  Just a few short minutes later, I heard Moses in his crib.  Got him up, got him some milk and sat back down again.  Then a few minutes later he needed a diaper change...then wanted breakfast...then needed another diaper change...then got bored with his toys and needed some entertaining...and you get the picture.

I wanted to cling.  I wanted to start out my day with a sweet exchange of whispers with my Jesus.  

But I couldn't.

Or sometimes, I know I should cling...but I just don't want to.

Like when it's just one of those days, and my mind creates a rut with my thoughts...an oft-rehashed "poor-me list" (a recounting of all the things that have gone wrong or are less-than-perfect that give me good reason to feel sorry for myself; a list that grows every time I mentally review it).  I know I need to get out of that rut...like by coming up with a "thank-You"list instead ("Gratitude diffuses attitude." --Lysa TerKuerst; love that quote!).  But...I just don't feel like it.  I know that to cling, I should think on what is true and lovely and pure, and I try to...but I don't really try that hard.  My thoughts linger on thank-You's for a few seconds...then slide back into that "poor-me" rut.

I know I should cling...but my efforts are only half-hearted.

But even when my foot slips...even when my clinging arms weaken...

STILL HE UPHOLDS ME!

"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.  If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me and YOUR RIGHT HAND SHALL HOLD ME." Psalm 139:7-10